Doxos ? Iconographic Marraige

In counterpoint to the idea of biblical literalism (which assumed the bible dropped whole-cloth from the sky) the Church has offered a typological or iconographic reading of marriage, a sacramental idea: that the marriage is an ?outward and visible sign of an inward and visible grace?, but in the west we are used to assuming that ?outward sign? is the wedding itself and that, somehow, the ?inward grace? has to do with permission to have sex. In the East, however, that is not the case. There are no vows and, in no way, it the marriage ?done? by the priest or the ceremony involved. Read the prayers: in a sense the western-style ?wedding? ? vowing of love, etc ? is done by the couple at some point in their relationship, before or after the ceremony. The gathered community is there only to pray God?s blessing on what is being done. Why?

The ceremony creates the ?little church? of the home: the constant denial and self-sacrifice, the self-emulation, the martyrdom of love that is the sacramental sign. If the meeting, the dates, the family vowing of love, etc, is the ?building of the church? then this ceremony is the act of consecrating the altar and the walls into a temple of God: the wedding was ?real? before the ceremony happened.

In blessing the marriage, the Church is turning this home, this family, into an icon of Christ: this sacrifice of love is the fulfillment of of the relationship of Adam and Eve, of God and Israel, the icon of Christ and the Church. The marriage is about this man and this woman, but it figures all of us: God in love with us, Christ united to us, one flesh; God-Man.

The prime argument for any marriage is not ?biblical? or ?traditional?: no one can argue that same-sex marriage is either of those. In fact, if the Church were limited to ?biblical? she?d be screwed: as the Orthodox Church allows for divorce and remarriage, interracial marriage and even birth control. If such is the only permited argument, it is already lost. But when the question is: is this marriage iconographic, showing the love of Christ for his church and the world, then we have a scale of not only ?validity? but ?is it working at all??

I have learned, in my adult life, of quite a few marriages, even in the Church, where the wife is abused, where the kids are terrified of their father, where the mother is unable to love her husband, leaving the community only with the outward form or semblance of marriage. I?ve found these among the clergy and among the laity: wives convinced that they can not leave their marriage because the husband isn?t unfaithful? or they don?t know it to be so; where the only sacrifice arising is the gradual suicide ? real or virtual ? of the weaker partner painting themselves into a corner. This icon is broken: this is not a real marriage. Instead of Christ, it is an icon of Tommy Lee.

In some marriages there is no sacrifice at all, where both parties are driven by lust for more (wealth, prestige, community standing, sex) where one party drags the other around the world preventing the family from putting down roots, from growing in a church or community, where work prevents all cohabitation outside of sleeping, where apart from a couple of kids, there is no evidence of physical intimacy. Both spouses run around as if the other exists for no other reason than to check some social requirement. This icon is also broken. Instead of Christ, it is an icon of Donald Draper.

There are marriages where the other party doesn?t exist at all save as a house-servant and a single parent. The sole exceptions being family events and the annual office dinner where the spouse is paraded about as an accomplishment worthy of an annual bonus or perhaps lustful envy. Sex is less like mutual self sacrifice and more like masturbation by remote control. This icon is broken as well. Instead of Christ it is an icon of Ayn Rand.

And I have known all of these icons in same-sex relationships as well.

So can there be, possibly, a same-sex relationship where the icon is Christ? If the foibles of Straight Relationships are present in the gay world, is it possible for the ideals to be manifested as well?

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